no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
