so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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