she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize