I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
