Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
