oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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