Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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