it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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