PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
