I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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