I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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