Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
