wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
