Fuck appropriateness.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
