it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
