You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
