so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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