and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
