how hairy? two words: wookie tits
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
