is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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