He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
