i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
