I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
