Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
