My friends, they love my intelligence
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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