He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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