I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
