i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i dont even know how to be here
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
