What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
