I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
