from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
