Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize