First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
