It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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