im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
