it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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