please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
