Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This is the high leading the old right now
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize