FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
