1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
