DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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