I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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