Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize