OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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