Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
