ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
