I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
