wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
