I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
