i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
