I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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