hotel room ftw
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
