and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
