I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
