So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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