when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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