And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
