Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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