At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize