the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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