Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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