If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
