Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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