I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
