He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
