youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
