He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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