the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
