I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
