there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
