are you still at the devil's house?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
