I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
