I didn't shave. On purpose
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
