Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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