i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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