you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
