I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
