That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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