So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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