i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
