the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize