i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
