btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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