i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
