dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
