How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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