I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
