I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
