There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
