i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
